This week I have been stuck, frustrated, depressed and found myself building self-righteous walls to keep the ENTIRE WORLD OUT. Yes, I lost it.
I had brief moments where I would tell myself, “This too shall pass”. However, this only helped for a nanosecond. I spent the other 23 LONG hours of my day sulking, sleeping and letting old tears come through. I finally gathered enough energy to pull my journal out and began writing about these ill feelings that had clawed their way out of the dungeon of my traumatized past.
As a teacher of the Law of Attraction and a Certified Happiness Coach I’m committed to showing the world (and most importantly myself) that we can find joy every day, no matter what. I’m even doing a video challenge called 365 Days of Joy! Clearly, I'm committed to growth! And yet, here I was…
My old self, the one who would stay in this darkened state for days on end, would only come up for air if something mind-numbing such as food or sex would pull me out. But only for a minute, then I would be back again. Depressed. Sad. Hopeless. Close to death.
I’m not exaggerating. It really got that bad. Sometimes it still does. But now I have a whole new tool box that has helped me get out quicker and to grow from these experiences. Versus letting it suck the life force out of my very being.
In fact, what I have learned though my own healing journey with each of these catastrophic events, is that I don’t need to move mountains, get years of therapy, hide out in the dessert, fast, or join an Ashram. All I need to do is sit and listen.
Whew! Not a short order I tell you! But trust me, it’s a lot quicker and FAR more satisfying than you think.
In this article I will teach you 5 things you can do to help you get through those bad days, because they WILL come! And I will give the amazing life-changing, life-altering, life-affirming tools that will not only help you through the hard days but you will grow leaps and bounds.
Sit and Listen
I know, I know. It sucks to feel pain. But what we resist, persist. Believe me, the more you let it grow, the more of a monster it becomes. Yet when you sit in silence and ask yourself point blank, “What am I feeling?” Then, wait for an answer. Powerful revelations will come through. These feelings can be uncomfortable and annoying, like a small drip in your faucet that keeps you up at night. Our feelings simply don't know it’s safe to come out yet. You find yourself saying, “I don’t know what is wrong with me??”
Stop. Set a timer for 10 minutes and with intention, listen to what comes up when you ask that loving question, “What am I feeling?”
Write it Down
After you sit and listen for a while, those emotions will begin to flow. Pull out a piece of paper and begin to write down how you feel. I know for me, I often get deeper, more suppressed emotions out when I start to write down how I feel. Much like sitting and waiting for your emotions to come through can take time, this can also occur with writing.
Write for at least 10 minutes and keep writing even when you feel you are finished. The dark thought, that was so sure it would never be found, is finally called forth. There were no other feelings hiding its view.
How do you know you’ve struck gold? When the tears start to flow. Then and only then have you reached the heart of the matter.
One of the most powerful words we can say to ourselves is, “It’s okay.”
“It’s okay that I’m a total wreck.”
“It’s okay that I can’t get my shit together.”
“It’s okay that I hate the world right now and everyone in it!”
You know why it’s important to say this? Because when we judge ourselves for our negative feelings, we only give them fuel and they will stick around longer. Judgement is the devil on your shoulder that is talking in your ear telling you that you are a piece of shit. This needs to STOP.
And the best way to stop it is with love. And putting your hand to your heart (this also evokes a lot of suppressed emotion) you are giving yourself love, which is the ultimate healer.
So, if you are feeling any negative emotion, immediately put your hand to your heart and say, “It’s okay.” Then let that love flow through your veins, your mind and your soul. Because in reality YOU ARE OKAY.
In Order to Be Healed, We Must Feel Heard.
I’m a big external processor. In fact, I would say a lot of women are like me, which is why I’m so grateful to have a very loving people in my life that I can talk to. That is often why therapy works. We just need to speak our truth about how we feel and have someone listen.
One of the main reasons for our upset is we are triggered by something that brings us back to an emotion that was never healed. Often from our childhood. Most of us grew up with parents that taught us to hold our emotions in. We are shushed, belittled and are told to, “Go to your room!” when we showed emotions that our parents didn’t like.
Now, we can’t blame our parents. They were doing the best they could and have wounds of their own. But those emotions were suppressed and it is now time to let them out so they can be healed. And the only way to heal, is to bring them to the light and that is best done with someone who can hear your words with love.
See the Dark Times As a Gift
Now I know when we are in the muck, the last thing we will say is, “This is great! I’m so glad I feel so miserable! I love the gifts these HORRIBLE feelings are giving me!”
But the truth is, when you do all of the above, there are AMAZING gifts on the other side of the darkness. You know the phrase, “There is a rainbow after a storm”? This couldn’t be truer. We all have things that need to be healed and when we can heal them by going through them, we will come out on the other side with more joy, more love, more hope and more compassion for others.
So, when you are feeling down, let these words sink in a bit: “The storm will pass and I will be greater because of it.” Because you will be. I promise you.