Several years ago I learned what Soul Mate love was. I was newly single from a devastating divorce (check out my book where I share my journey around that) and knew there had to be a better relationship out there for me. I grew up with divorced parents and both of my parents remarried several times before they found the right mate for them. In fact I came from a long line of divorce to the point it was almost an expectation in life: you get married and will most likely divorce. Kind of sad, huh?
I decided soon after my divorce I didn't want to have this philosophy anymore. I wanted to find that fairy tale relationship. I wanted true love and all of it's fixings. I pictured my knight and shining armor come riding in on his white horse, with a bouquet of roses and love letters to send me to romance-land (I so wish there was such a place!).
So I read book after book on soul mate love. I listened to podcasts and interviews from the top relationship experts who knew what it took to have a great relationship. I started to learn about the Law of Attraction knowing that this stuff really works and will bring to me this dreamy version of true love.
I set my intentions. Did my vision boards. Visualized our meeting during meditation. Even pretended he was there and have sweet conversations with his soul as he hid behind the invisibility cloak in my car. Let's just say, I KNEW he existed. But I just didn't know where he was.
Then we met. And, he had a girlfriend. Okay, not what I was expecting. But I didn't know at the time he was the "One." Yet fate would have it and soon the stars aligned and we realized we were each others soul mates (when we were both single of course).
Let me first tell you how we knew this. I know after years of dating, we can quickly talk ourselves into saying "this is the ONE" simply because we want it so bad (been there, done that!). But a soul mate is different. And not for the reasons you think.
For starters, he did not ride in on a white horse. In fact he has only ridden a couple of horses in his life. But he did give me flowers (and still does), and brought me to romance-land (I have to say it's a fabulous place!). Yet what has made him my soul mate is that he won't let me get away with poor behavior. He won't let me not grow. And he won't stop loving me, simply because I'm being me. Whew!
Now that is where this soul mate stuff gets interesting. And what makes it a truly magical thing to experience. You see, NONE of us is perfect. None of us have a clean slate when coming into relationships. We are filled with baggage that often fills every corner of our existence (okay, slight exaggeration, but sometimes feels true). We learn bad habits from our past hurts and then hand deliver them to our new loves and expect them to take the emotional abuse that we were gifted from our exes.
When two soul mates come together they agree to see each other through these past hurts and help find ways to help each other heal. But one thing we do not do- we do not project our issues onto one another. We OWN our feelings and lovingly ask the other to help reflect that back to us so we can be done with these pieces of luggage.
I learned this recently when my sweetie and I went on vacation together. Before we left, I daydreamed about all the romance we would have together, including snuggles in front the camp fire, and laughing about nothing and everything. I imaged him dancing with me under the moonlight and whispering sweet nothings into my ear (yes, I read a lot of romance novels- no shame there!).
But our vacation turned out to be about me scolding him for not being in a good mood. He was having a hard time leaving his business behind (he owns his own company and in all the years he's been in business this was his first vacation). He tried his hardest to accommodate me and try to be present and happy. But it just wasn't working.
Then I realized that it was my expectation of the trip that caused me to get upset that he wasn't happy. This realization made me see that my expectations on life- that are often fixed- are what cause me to be the most unhappy. Once I realized this I immediately felt grateful for this situation and my sweetie for helping this be mirrored to me (I have a whole chapter in my book about mirroring).
As my soul mate, he had no choice but to be exactly where he was at (we can't hide our feelings from each other. We can practically read each others minds). That is why my work is to see what is being reflected through him, thereby help me grow and eliminate my thinking error.
When you experience unconditional love from someone, it feels safe to be you and they help you work through what is no longer working. We forgive each other quickly and we ALWAYS ask ourselves "what have I done to contribute to this situation."
Through every twist and turn in life, don't you want to be with someone who let's you be you and loves you anyway? Now, that is what soul mate love is. And I am so grateful that God brought this amazing man into my life.