Several years ago I learned what Soul Mate love was. I was newly single from a devastating divorce (check out my book where I share my journey around that) and knew there had to be a better relationship out there for me. I grew up with divorced parents and both of my parents remarried several times before they found the right mate for them. In fact I came from a long line of divorce to the point it was almost an expectation in life: you get married and will most likely divorce. Kind of sad, huh?
I decided soon after my divorce I didn't want to have this philosophy anymore. I wanted to find that fairy tale relationship. I wanted true love and all of it's fixings. I pictured my knight and shining armor come riding in on his white horse, with a bouquet of roses and love letters to send me to romance-land (I so wish there was such a place!).
So I read book after book on soul mate love. I listened to podcasts and interviews from the top relationship experts who knew what it took to have a great relationship. I started to learn about the Law of Attraction knowing that this stuff really works and will bring to me this dreamy version of true love.
I set my intentions. Did my vision boards. Visualized our meeting during meditation. Even pretended he was there and have sweet conversations with his soul as he hid behind the invisibility cloak in my car. Let's just say, I KNEW he existed. But I just didn't know where he was.
Then we met. And, he had a girlfriend. Okay, not what I was expecting. But I didn't know at the time he was the "One." Yet fate would have it and soon the stars aligned and we realized we were each others soul mates (when we were both single of course).
Let me first tell you how we knew this. I know after years of dating, we can quickly talk ourselves into saying "this is the ONE" simply because we want it so bad (been there, done that!). But a soul mate is different. And not for the reasons you think.
For starters, he did not ride in on a white horse. In fact he has only ridden a couple of horses in his life. But he did give me flowers (and still does), and brought me to romance-land (I have to say it's a fabulous place!). Yet what has made him my soul mate is that he won't let me get away with poor behavior. He won't let me not grow. And he won't stop loving me, simply because I'm being me. Whew!
Now that is where this soul mate stuff gets interesting. And what makes it a truly magical thing to experience. You see, NONE of us is perfect. None of us have a clean slate when coming into relationships. We are filled with baggage that often fills every corner of our existence (okay, slight exaggeration, but sometimes feels true). We learn bad habits from our past hurts and then hand deliver them to our new loves and expect them to take the emotional abuse that we were gifted from our exes.
When two soul mates come together they agree to see each other through these past hurts and help find ways to help each other heal. But one thing we do not do- we do not project our issues onto one another. We OWN our feelings and lovingly ask the other to help reflect that back to us so we can be done with these pieces of luggage.
I learned this recently when my sweetie and I went on vacation together. Before we left, I daydreamed about all the romance we would have together, including snuggles in front the camp fire, and laughing about nothing and everything. I imaged him dancing with me under the moonlight and whispering sweet nothings into my ear (yes, I read a lot of romance novels- no shame there!).
But our vacation turned out to be about me scolding him for not being in a good mood. He was having a hard time leaving his business behind (he owns his own company and in all the years he's been in business this was his first vacation). He tried his hardest to accommodate me and try to be present and happy. But it just wasn't working.
Then I realized that it was my expectation of the trip that caused me to get upset that he wasn't happy. This realization made me see that my expectations on life- that are often fixed- are what cause me to be the most unhappy. Once I realized this I immediately felt grateful for this situation and my sweetie for helping this be mirrored to me (I have a whole chapter in my book about mirroring).
As my soul mate, he had no choice but to be exactly where he was at (we can't hide our feelings from each other. We can practically read each others minds). That is why my work is to see what is being reflected through him, thereby help me grow and eliminate my thinking error.
When you experience unconditional love from someone, it feels safe to be you and they help you work through what is no longer working. We forgive each other quickly and we ALWAYS ask ourselves "what have I done to contribute to this situation."
Through every twist and turn in life, don't you want to be with someone who let's you be you and loves you anyway? Now, that is what soul mate love is. And I am so grateful that God brought this amazing man into my life.
As I write these words I feel like I won the lottery. I'm sitting on the edge the Deschutes River in Bend, Oregon, sipping coffee and working on my laptop, creating amazing stuff for my business. The sun is shining through the trees and there is a slight breeze cooling my skin. I am happily working on my passion and having a moment where I'm thinking, "Holy shit!! This Law of Attraction stuff REALLY works!".
Let me back track for you a bit. About six months ago I had a "Come to Jesus" moment with myself. I had been working full time as a hospice nurse and spent everyday in anxiety about my responsibilities. I had an unsupportive boss and my patient's families needed me to solve problems that were often times too hard to solve (nothing is easy about dying). I would wake up every morning, check my computer and would panic at the extraordinary problems that I had to solve on a daily basis. Have you heard the term, putting fires out? That was me. Daily.
I have always thought hospice was my calling. But after doing this for two and a half years, the job was not getting any easier and I found myself become more and more unhappy. To top that off I had been trying to do my business on the side and had been telling people for years that they need to follow their joy and to trust in the Law of Attraction to bring to them what they wanted.
Now I can honestly say, this has been true for me. I have manifested my perfect home and I did it in two weeks. I manifested a large Meetup group where I got to teach my passion and share my joys about the Law of Attraction. And most importantly I have attracted my soul mate, who literally came to me when he started coming to my Meetup group. All of this came to me miraculously and by using the Law of Attraction. But when it came to money, I wasn't as trusting of this divine power.
I was fortunate enough to have good pay as a nurse. Yet it was the good pay that kept me in my job. I knew deep down I needed to let it go. But my Ego/Capricorn brain was telling me to "get real and keep the good paying job."
The problem (really this was my reality check) was that I was working with the dying. And everyday I got to ask myself, "If I died today, would I be happy? Would I have fulfilled my dreams and lived on purpose?"
Everyday, the answer was a loud NO! I wasn't living fully. I barely had time to work on my business (at that time I had a book that I had been sitting on for almost a year to get out there because I didn't have time nor energy to get it published). I snapped at my kids on a daily basis. I woke up with anxiety every day and at night could only stare at the TV because I had no mental capacity to do anything else.
The turning point came when I asked my sweetie on New Years Eve how he would rate the year. He said on a scale of 0-10 he would give it an 8 or a 9. His business, which is his passion, has finally gained momentum and he was able to do projects that fulfilled him greatly.
When he asked me, I lowered my head and said sadly a 3 or a 4. I even remember throughout the year he would ask me about my book or my coaching, and I would always change the subject since I felt so defeated that I didn't live the way I believe I was destined to live.
After that conversation I realized the only person who was going to make my dreams happen was me. I had to take a leap of faith and jump. I had to take a chance on me and put my full faith into the Law of Attraction. I mean, that is what I teach, right?
So a few weeks into the year I decided to take the leap. I was going to tell my boss I was leaving and proclaim I was going to follow my dreams. Yet I was terrified and I couldn't get the "realistic" part of my brain to keep it's thoughts to itself (is this even possible?).
I had some money in savings, but not enough to last more than a couple of months. I had a mortgage. Car payment. Kids to feed! I sat there paralyzed by what I was about to do and all of my fears about being a bad mom, not being responsible, and thoughts of "What if I fail?!", came crashing into my brain like a terrorist.
So I ran outside and called my life line, my sweetie, who knew exactly what I was going through since he did this same scary move five years ago. He asked me a question that gave me the final push to do what I knew I needed to do.
He asked me, "Do you believe you can do this? Do you believe that you can make your passions a reality and make a difference in the world?"
I didn't hesitate for a second. Inside of me came a lions roar and I stood up tall, took a deep breath and shouted "YES! I know I can do this! It was what I was born to do and I will succeed. No matter what!"
You know what happened then? The Universe heard me. And now, 6 month later I have my book out, and have a new podcast that will help the world. My Meetup is thriving, and I have a video blog where I am sharing my journey of 365 of Joy.
I am fully living in my purpose and opportunities are flying my way. In fact I have been asked to teach with an organization where I get to help thousands of people set goals through the Law of Attraction. And the income potential is completely mind blowing! This opportunity only came to me because I was available to do this now that I was not working as a nurse any more.
I have come to realize that we must leap if we are to succeed. We must put our faith into something more powerful than us and try to not get in the way. We must say YES when we are called. And we MUST live as if every second in this short life counts.
Because it does.
I had a recent life changing conversation with my sister Diane. She recently came to town to see her daughter who moved to my neck of the woods, and texted to say she wouldn't have time to see me. Now if this were anybody, I would have reacted with understanding and would be grateful that she even reached out to let me know about how bad she felt that she couldn't see me.
If this were anybody I would have sent a text back saying I understood, and I know how hard it is to find time to do things when your already stretched thin. I would have thanked her for texting me, showing that she cared enough to tell me what was going on. I would have sent her my love and said let's meet up another time.
But I didn't do that. Instead I ignored her text and spent the majority of the day crying and calling my mom and other siblings to tell them how upset this made me.
You see, what came up in that moment was not just a mere missed connection. This was a childhood wound that had never taken the time to forgive and heal. This was an unresolved issue that has plagued me most of my adult life. Yet speaking to my sister was a turning point for me. It was finally time for me to forgive and stop seeing myself as a victim, but more of a participant in healing all wounds.
As the youngest of six, I was the true "black sheep". I was the only red head and the only one not into sports (although I tried several and hated every second of them!). I didn't have stellar grades like my older siblings and was the only one who focused on the arts and dance. My mom was a single mom whose only support system was each other. As the youngest I had my then teenage siblings watch over me. I always felt like they hated this job and were overly focused on their own lives to care about me (at least that is what I told myself).
That is why I was the only one to leave my home town of Denver when I was barely 19 without a plan in sight. My family just thought I was brave and adventurous. But in truth I felt like I didn't belong and couldn't stand that feeling of be that kid in the gym that nobody picked. I walked away from my family and swore I would never go back.
Yet every year I still visited. I had to! But I cried every time I went.
And here I was, at the age of 43, crying as if I was 4. Still feeling unloved and finding proof that my family didn't love me when my sister sent that text.
Without knowing how I felt, my sister reached out to me again, apologizing for not visiting me. It was at this time we had the conversation that should have happened years ago. The one where true forgiveness finally sinks in. You see she had no idea I had such a sad childhood. I never told her how disconnected I felt from them all nor that I moved away feeling unloved and determined to write them all out of my life.
She shared her sadness for her life and how she always felt like I was my dad's favorite. I too had no idea she felt this way and we both felt a tremendous amount of love and appreciation for each other through this conversation.
I forgave her. I forgave myself. I forgave my mom. I forgave my dad. And by doing so, I released the sadness that has kept me stuck and on the verge of tears every time I went to see my family.
The key to forgiveness is understanding and perspective. No matter what someone has done to you, I guarantee that if you took five minutes to just listen to them and hear their story, you would no longer find them to be your enemy. In fact it's being vulnerable that helps us heal. It's being allowed to be seen that gives others a deeper understanding of who we really are. And equally its the ability to see someone with loves eyes, that help them heal too.
This conversation with my sister was a life changer. It showed me that I now need to talk to all of my siblings and share this experience with them so they too can heal. We all have that someone (or somebodies) that we feel have hurt us. Isn't it time that you forgive so you can truly move on? It sure has helped me.
Nobody likes to be depressed or down. It's not like we wake up in the morning and say, "I want nothing more than to have a terrible day". We don't come into this world in the hopes for despair or frustration. I don't know about you, but on my list of things to do, I would never ask for a life where there is challenge after challenge. I would be crazy if I were to suggest that the bad things in life are for my greater good.
Yet I'm here to tell you, that is exactly what I'm writing about. Because in truth, our bad times are wonderful launching pads for what we do want. You see, with everything that is not wanted, the opposite is directly linked to it. And the more "bad" that comes into your life, the more "good" will be inspired by these seemingly difficult situations.
I remember when I was unhappily married, I would daydream about what kind of relationship I wanted. This then gave me inspiration of what I really wanted in a relationship. My partner did the same thing when he was in a tumultuous relationship. He even went as far as to write down everything opposite of his current relationship so he would feel inspired that the right kind of relationship was possible. When we met, two years later, he shared this list with me, and you may as well as put my name at the top, cause I was everything on that list.
I think one of the most common questions I get from people about my Happiness Coaching is, "How can I be happy all the time?". They go on to explain that life can be hard and no matter how hard they try, they get frustrated with the difficulties of life. When I tell them it's important to be unhappy too, they look at me as if I was an alien disguised as a human. Why would anyone embrace being unhappy?
When we have contrast, or have difficulties show up, the best thing to do is to focus on what is showing up in it's opposite form. Say you are tired of your job and you hate showing up every day. When you say this, you are also saying you want something better. Perhaps the desire now launched is a job that is more satisfying and rewarding. One that pays more and you work with people who appreciate and respect you. This desire is then directly relayed to powers that are beyond our comprehension, and somehow the Universe conspires to make that desire a reality.
Another importance of contrast is it increases our joyful factor. I love thinking about the weather in this context. I live in Portland, Oregon where we see a lot of rain. We can go more than 6-9 months without seeing even a peep of sunshine. Yet when that sun does come out, you bet the entire city is out celebrating life. People connect more and everyone speaks of the gratitude they have for it being so beautiful out.
I've know people who live in temperate climates and never get a chance to experience this high that we do when the sun comes out. The rainy days make us appreciate the moments the sun shines on our faces and this moment is truly a gift in being present and in true joy.
What in your life can you turn around and see the greatness of the contrast? Make a list of all the bad things that have happened in your life, then underneath that, write what you want instead . By doing this exercise you will never see bad times as that bad. You will start to see that it was placed there so you could dig deeper and express what you really want.
I know some people may say things like, "What about all the bad things that happen in the world, such as September 11th? There is nothing good about that tragedy." What came out of that was millions of people hugging their kids tighter. People quitting their unfulfilling jobs because they realized they needed to live now since life could be taken away from them at any time. And most importantly, the amount of people who came together to help their community is priceless. September 11th was a gift of unconditional love. It wasn't just a tragedy.
I hope you can now see those bad days as a blessing in disguise. When you start to see the gifts in the good, the bad and the ugly, you will have more control over your life and will be happier as a result. Most importantly though, you will begin to live in joy, especially when the sun shines.
I recently fell off a ladder. It wasn't like my life flashed ahead of me and I thought this is the end. Rather, I thought to myself, why do I keep hurting myself? This is not the first time I've been injured. In fact in the last 5 months I injured my back while sweeping. I fell on my face at a grocery store and fractured my nose. And now I took on a ladder which decided to eat my foot.
The good new is I'm not dead. I was never even hospitalized. Yet talking to my son recently, he gasped in disbelief that I have had so many injuries in such a short period of time. I too have been thinking a lot about what this means, and am starting to see the divine gift that this has given me. But I still find myself going kicking and screaming like a small child having to take a bath when instead I want to play with my toys.
This internal battle is showing up for me so I can begin again, and get back on the journey God has made for me. And that is to write.
The funny thing about writing is I never thought of myself as a writer. I loved writing poetry as a young teen, but than was discouraged from writing since my teachers only told me what I was doing wrong, and not what I was doing right.
When I started writing again I found that I couldn't stop. It's as if the words flew through me. I saw it much like a dance, piecing together words with one another with a graceful rhythm that came alive with each thought I put down on paper. I even wrote a book, than another. Yet, I found myself giving it all up. Stopping abruptly as if it was all some big joke and I was never supposed to write.
That was almost 2 years ago. I made up excuses for my stopping. I said it's better to focus on my kids. They need me now. I said I have nothing to share. No one would like what I wrote, so why bother. I said I'm a fraud. It's best to stick to what I know and be happy with what I have.
Then I fell. Hurt my foot. I hurt my back. I hurt my face. All of these moments seem to offer a clear message. I'm holding back. I'm not allowing my shine to come through.
This morning this message became clear when I finally dug deep and while sitting in my garden, I came to terms with my life. My holding back is hurting me. Both physically and emotionally. And the only way to change this is to take a brave step and begin again.
So starting today, I'm going to commit to writing every day. Writing a blog. Writing in my journal. Writing my next book.
I have to admit, I'm scared. I'm scared that I won't get my "mojo" back. I'm scared that I will give up again, only to be disappointed with myself yet again.
I have learned from many of my mentors, that they were scared to. They got on stage, even when there was sweat on their brow and they wanted to vomit from fear. They wrote books even though they felt like terrible writers. But they did it. They just did it.
So today is a new day. I'm starting to push that merry go round in hopes that it starts taking off on it's own. Even if I fail, I'm happy to just try again. Lord knows I don't need another injury to get my attention!
I hope you too start something again. Take this journey with me. Know that you are not alone. You are never alone.
I want you to take a moment and gather up all that you know, all that you have been taught and place it in an imaginary box. Wrap it tightly with a bow and then set it on a shelf called "Been there, done that." Then I invite you to expand your mind to a level that you never experienced before. Open your world of possibilities and tell yourself that there is no limit to your imagination. In fact when we give up control of our world, the universe shows us a greater, more expansive way of living. But we first need to let go of yesterday's limited thinking and the idea that what we see in front of us is all that is available to us.
I have found myself expanding my mind in ways that I never knew existed. It all began when I gave up my fight with trying to always figure things out on my own. I used to read book after book when I was in my early 20's trying desperately to find the right career for me. I was sure that these books had all the answers. All I needed to do was take a personality test and then be told what I should do for a living.
I wanted so badly to do something different that I resisted any career that was too typical. Ironically, the only reason I went into nursing was because I was getting close to getting my bachelors and the responsible Capricorn in me needed to have a good paying job when I was done with collage. I had no idea that nursing would become one of my passions.
A new world has opened up for me with my coaching, writing, inspiring, and speaking. None of these are typical. In fact these careers weren't in any of the books that I read. The only reason I found this type of work (which really isn't work - it's my passion) is I let go of control with where my life would go and instead opened up to the real me and then these careers found me. And it can happen with a blink of an eye.
For me, all it took was one book. "The Soul Loves the Truth" by Denise Linn, my Soul Coaching teacher. Her book changed EVERYTHING for me. And since my training with her, even more doors have opened. In fact I had no idea I could write! Now I can't stop.
You have a gift. Each and everyone of you. So, when you struggle and ask yourself , "what should I do for a living?" I encourage you to first get to know the real you, and open your mind to anything that comes your way. Your path will become clear then. But you also need to stop limiting your options. There is so much out there that hasn't even been brought to existence.
I invite you to be the next innovator, entrepreneur, healer, juggler, or whatever calls out to your heart. You will know when you are on the right path when your jumping out of your skin with excitement when you talk about it. But if you put a hoodie on, cover your eyes behind dark sunglasses and block out what could be possible, you may never know how fantastic your life could be.
Have you ever suffered from a sharp pain in your neck and thought to yourself you must have slept wrong? Perhaps you have back pain, knee pain, joint aches or any other assortment of body misalignment's that plagues your body with alarming frequency. All the while you pointed your finger at something outside of yourself as the culprit?
As a nurse I have been given many opportunities to hurt my back given the physicality of my job with turning patients and helping them move about safely. Yet my pains and ailments, I have learned, have not been from something I did to myself, rather was given to me to help me learn about myself.
I have done a lot on mind-body work, and through my meditations I have unlocked answers to my most inner truths, all with the help of my body. I have opened up doors I didn't know existed, simply because I was willing to listen to my internal messages. I no longer see ailments as annoying occurrences, rather I see powerful teachers that have been placed there so I can grow to be the me I was born to be.
It all started when a friend of mine recommended a book called Focusing by Eugene Gendlin. He was ahead of his time in the field of experiential psychotherapy in the 1970's. He came up with this method of getting quite, tuning into your body and focus on the part of your body that is ailing you. Once that section is the center of your attention, you need to name it. Once you name it, the pain goes away. This not only makes you feel physically better, but now you have some amazing insight into your life. Here's how it worked for me.
When I was going through my divorce I spent the first year of living with this pain in my lower chest and upper abdomen region. It wasn't painful, as much as annoying. I knew intuitively that it was an emotion that was being repressed, but the thought of dealing with it scared me more than the pain itself. So one day, after reading Gendlin's book, I ran to my room, with only 10 minutes to spare, and tried to "focus" on this pain and try to name it.
Like anything new, I was somewhat of a skeptic. I thought for sure I couldn't accomplish this in such a short time frame. But after a couple of minutes, I managed to visualize the pain and through a process of elimination (calling it "heavy", "wall", "deep", "suffocating") I finally came across the word "love". I realized very quickly what that meant for me, and at the same time, the pain went away. The lesson was powerful and the pain became a thing of the past.
Another instance I had with listening to my body was when I had knee pain that went back and forth between knees. It became so painful I had to limit my walking (and I so love to walk). I spent a lot of time icing and heating the site, as well as popping a lot of ibuprofen.
One day I thought I would go and talk to my knee through meditation. What I found out was that I needed to "take bigger steps". I listened, adjusted my life and have not had any knee pain for over four years.
So, when your body starts to bother you, stop for a moment and listen to what it has to say. I bet once you listen, the pain will disappear as quickly as it came. And I also suspect you will have some pretty good insight on your life. All because you listened.
You're at the front of the line. Toes jimmied in the start position, hands taunt on the ground, eyes focused on the prize. Your breathing is deep, allowing more oxygen to help you do your best. Your friends and family stand in the bleachers holding their breath with hands held high in the air. You can do this! You can win! You will win! And why do I know that? Because you're YOU.
The only race we have to win is the one where we present as our best possible selves. There is no need to compete with others and check out what type of shoes, makeup, degree, or money they have. The more you focus on what they have you are only reinforcing what you feel like you lack.
It takes one to really know oneself to stop coming from competitive mind and blossom into creative mode. You may not believe me, but know this to be true. YOU have a gift. And once you find it, you will not feel the need to compete with others. In fact the infamous Napoleon Hill once said in his book "Think and Grow Rich":
"Somewhere in your make-up (perhaps in the cells of your brain) there lies sleeping, the seed of achievement which, if aroused and put into action, would carry you to heights, such as you may never have hoped to attain."
This quote has made its home on my refrigerator since I too need a reminder that my greatness is already there. My only job is to ignite it. My only job is to find what is already programmed within and then watch the Universe help me along the way.
I don't know about you, but that takes a big load off my back! I find what often brings me down is when I feel myself coming from the competitive mind. When I write I sometimes think that I am no one, writing nothing, and that others who have more accomplished lives are the ones who should be writing. Not me!
Then I remember that when I write, I'm on fire. When I teach, I'm in my essence and give with all my heart. When I am doing these things, I think of one thing and one thing only- I love to do it. That's why I'm here. To inspire, write, teach and be a beacon of hope for others to follow.
I know what it's like to not know where to begin. My old self would constantly try to figure out the how. I would make a goal for myself and then set up every road block to get there. But when I did it the other way around and instead asked myself what brings me joy? What gets me excited? What makes time stand still and keeps me in this perfect place of rightness? Then I just do that and let the rest be taken care of.
After teaching about the Law of Attraction for several of years, I find this is the biggest road block for people. The not knowing what their flame is in the first place.
Here are some ways for you to dig in, find what ignites you, and let your light shine!
- Write a list of all that you are good at. So often we don't take the time to stop and take inventory of our lives. Or we think to ourselves," I'm not good at ANYTHING!" But when you write (and I encourage you to write for 5 minutes and write down everything that comes to mind!), you will see ideas pop up that may surprise you. In fact my greatest gift, I thought was a curse. I saw the best in people and was really good at putting them on pedestals. This may have gotten me in trouble with my marriage, but it has been a gift I continue to share.
- Spend a day paying attention to how you feel when you do certain things. Do you feel energized by a certain activity or do you feel drained. Pay attention to your body. When you feel energized, write down what made you feel that way. That is a good clue to what your soul's calling is.
- Try out different things and stretch your world. This can be as simple as taking a different route to work, to taking dance lessons. You can start off small then go bigger and bigger. It only takes one step at a time to reach the top of the stairs. But you have to start at the bottom in order to get up to the top (unless of course you have wings, then you wouldn't need any of my advice, would you?).
When you find something that gives you joy, follow it and don't stop. Don't let anyone tell you not to. They are not you. They may be coming from their own fears. Only you can know what makes you happy and THAT should be your absolute priority!
I feel that if more of us followed our bliss the worlds problems would be solved. I often joke with my group members that we will some day take over the world with our awesome positivity! So I start here with you my friend. I know you have a special-ness dying to come out of you. In fact, deep down you do too. When I realized my souls purpose it was like I had come home. For the first time I felt right in my skin. I want you to feel right too. The world is waiting....
What is the one thing you want more than anything? Whether it be a loving relationship, a killer career, or lots of money, ask yourself what is it that really drives you. Than ask yourself if you have this one thing that you really really want.
I would bet many of you don't have what you want, and this drives you CRAZY! I mean, why is it so hard to get all that you are asking? The Law of Attraction (LoA) says if you want something you just need to believe that you are going to get it, then viola, it will manifest. In spite of me using the LoA in all that I do, this "simple" notion would send me in a tailspin often yelling out, "What am I doing wrong?!!"
I know for many of you, it's when things don't appear that you give up on the LoA and say its just a bunch of humbo jumbo and go back to your old ways of doing things. But I invite you to hang tight and keep reading through. Because there is an answer in all of this madness.
The answer is we get in our own way and put up walls of resistance that then stops the divine from delivering what we are asking. Imagine a river that flows with all that you are wanting. This flow is natural and moves in the forward momentum with ease. In a perfect world, there would be no naysayers in our lives. There would be no negative experiences nor past wounds that needed to be healed. But we are human, so we have the challenge of being alive. These negative moments are the boulders that are placed in the river, which then impede the flow.
But there is a way around this. There is a way of moving around those boulders as if they are merely placed there for our entertainment, and not to ruin us. Because in truth the water is still flowing. We just need to stop getting in the way of the flow.
I've developed 3 steps to helping you get out of your own way thereby allowing the gifts of life to be hand delivered to you.
Step one: When the going gets hard, divert.
For many years (6 1/2 to be exact) I longed for a relationship. It was the one thing I wanted more then anything, and yet it just wasn't coming. Then I realized the more I thought about it, the more I remembered that I was still single, which is not what I wanted.
So I decided to take my attention off of it for a while (I already put my request into the Universe, there was no need to keep shouting my order). I loved to decorate my garden and my house and found such joy doing this. Before I knew it, I was in a place of joy and had raised my vibration so the divine could resume its flowing.
So when you find yourself ruminating about what you want and get frustrated that you don't have it, divert your attention to something completely different. You never know what can come out of this grand new hobby.
Step two: Take a nap.
That's right. You heard me. Go to sleep already! When we sleep we stop that negative flow and get a do over. Our negative momentum, when its been going for a while, is difficult to stop. Much like trying to stop a speeding car, there is no hope in surviving that with your bare hands.
Instead, we need to give our minds a rest so we can than start off fresh and take charge of our thoughts when we wake up. I once did this when I was trying to figure out what I would be teaching at my LoA group. Since I taught this every other week for over 4 years, it was sometimes challenging to come up with new material. When I tried to figure it out, right on the heals of that thought was resistance saying, "you've got nothing!"
So I took a nap. Then when I woke up I sat up and said "Nerf Guns!" The entire class flowed into my consciousness and I taught a successful group on how to have more fun in life (which involved a Nerf gun war!).
When you're stuck in doubt and you're in fifth gear of negativelandia, close those eyes and give that mind a rest already!
Step 3: Practice mindfulness.
Take a look around you and see how much green is in the room. Think of this as an "I Spy" game and see how much you can find. Then play with all of your senses. What do you smell? Food? Perfume? Grass? What do you feel on your finger tips right now. Is the surface soft and smooth? Is it cold and hard? Do this exercise for a few minutes and notice how relaxed you feel.
When you give your mind a break, you stop resisting and thereby raise your vibration. According to Abraham Hicks, it only takes 17 seconds to raise your vibration when you think good thoughts. When you are practicing mindfulness, you allow only the present moment in, which in most likely hood is pretty darn good. No matter how bad your life may be, I would bet that you are still breathing. Doesn't it feel good to breathe?
Our lives are meant to be filled with love and joy. It is truly our responsibility to focus on that. If you are wanting something and it's not coming, try these three steps to decrease your resistance. A side effect to all of this is more joy and peace. Talk about a bonus!
As a single person in this day and age we are bombarded by an array of negative feedback. We are told that if you are too old you will never find love. Or too fat, too short, too tall, or too weird. Then we have media that constantly tells us that if we look better than we could have love. If we were perfect, then and only then will love come a knockin'.
I remember when I became single for the first time in my adult life at age 35, I had the nerve to listen to people, like my ex-husband, tell me how hard it must be for me. I mean I was the ripe age of 35, and had 2 little kids. Who the heck would want me?!
But the truth is, love is our natural state, and is attainable by ALL. I've read story after story about people who found their Soul mates as late as in their 80's. I'm not suggesting that it will take that long to find love, but if you believe that you are going to have this wonderful relationship, the first thing you need to do is start training your mind into believing it.
Our thoughts, when thought over and over again, become beliefs. For many of us when we date, it doesn't work out, then we think over and over again, "this sucks and I will NEVER find love!" I have met countless people who are single and one of the first things they say to me is there are no good people out there. They tell this to me, their friends, family, Facebook, Twitter and even the grocery clerk who then thinks to themselves that if they don't find someone before they are 25 they will end up like that poor "old" lady. Do you hear the cats meowing?
What I'm trying to say is its no wonder so many of us give up hope when it comes to finding love. In fact, many of us settle because the idea of being the spinster cat lady is just downright depressing.
I'm here to tell you that there is hope, and it's hope itself that can and will bring love to you. No matter your age, weight, or financial situation, you too deserve love. But in order to get this, we need to change the way we think and how we talk.
I've developed 3 easy steps that anyone can use to help you get out of your rut and let love come running into your arms.
Step one: Change your conversation.
Take a moment and write down some of your negative conversations around love. Then after you're done with that, rewrite this in the positive. Once you find one that works well for you, use this as your affirmation and say it over and over (and over and over...) again.
The one I used for years was, "I'm being pursued by attractive, available men, who are excited to get to know me and are not afraid of falling in love with me."
Lo and behold it worked! In fact my Soul mate did all of this (and then some!).
Step two: Take time to heal your inner child.
One of my biggest blockages with finding love was that my little Michele was feeling unlovable. I know many of you had less than good childhoods, and even if you had stellar parents, there was probably some kid who made you feel like a piece of terd.
As adults, we have done our best to move on and not let the things from our past get to us. But in truth that little child in you is still there and wants to be heard. When I finally sat down and started to envision my little child getting love from me, I felt a big shift happen. I also started to attract better quality men who up until that point wouldn't give me the time of day.
So sit in a quiet space, close your eyes and remember a time when your little self needed someone to listen to him or her, and be that loving ear that they so craved. If it's hard to visualize, try writing your child a letter of how much you love and appreciate them.
Once you do this exercise, you too will have some shifts. And a happy child.
Step three: Write out what your looking for in a partner, then make it your goal to become all on that list.
Like attracts like. This is how life works. When I wrote out my list when I first became single, I didn't realize that that list was for me. To help me be the best person that I was meant to be. I realized that finding a mate was more about who I was then what I looked like, or how I acted on the first date. There is an energy that can't be seen but can be felt.
That's why when we fall in love we say, "I just knew." This energy field is the "likeness" that is felt between two people who completely match and complement each other.
My Soul mate and I always marvel at how much alike we are. He's almost a perfect mirror of me. And after I worked on myself and became my best me, I sure the heck enjoy the best version of him. Now we continually bring that out in each other.
Finding love is far less complicated than we make it. The only thing you need to do is work on you. Then keep believing that love will find you. Because it will!